Some of you may remember the WineBoy Webcast that appeared on this site last year. Alas, the show was cancelled after one glorious season. That’s sad enough, but the loss I feel most is for those five intrepid experts who appeared with me from time to time to present their unique views on wine appreciation.
I speak, of course, of wine astrologist Marcrazi Umberto Lupini, the Right Reverend Red N. White, English nobleman and wine critic Sir Reginald Winesot Clydesdale, Frenchman Pierre N’Cest Pas (wine cynic and American wine hater) and cowboy oenophile Spud Dumplin.
More...So today, I’ll lift a glass to these unique individuals who, in the past, have provided me with inspiration, advice and, from time to time, a welcome dose of reality as I attempted to impart a little wine information on the webcast. Here are some special holiday wishes and my gifts to these very wise men.
To wine astrologist Marcrazi Umberto Lupini: May your Christmas be filled with galaxies of shooting stars, a cornucopia of moonbeams, urns of anchovies, and only the most fragrant garlands of garlic and tripe. For you Umberto, I send a special CD “The Vatican’s Greatest Hits” performed by such musical luminaries as Aldo Cella, Lucca Brazzi and Treccy Bungunga (with liner notes by Father Guido Sarducci).
To the (always) Right Reverend Red N. White: As your preaching reaches a fever pitch this holiday season, I wish you voluminous lung capacity, hordes of cowering congregants and a bevy of beautiful women sitting in the front row (at least ones without facial hair). Your gift, Reverened, will be a Methuselah of Sparky’s Heavenly Elixer and Altar Wine along with 200 new reptile boxes to fit under the pews.
To Sir Reginald Winesot Clydesdale: May your stables be always muck free, may your upper lip be always stiff and may your trademark whinny and neigh resonate thunderously through the midlands. For you, dear Reginald, I am sending one dozen designer clip-on ascots to conceal your rather prominent (but distinguished) goiter.
To Pierre N’Cest Pas: My dear Pierre, I hope your holidays are filled with flagons of wine (French, of course), long-legged Pariesan women and the songs of Pepe LePew. I’m sending you a DVD of the movie “Bottle Shock” which memorializes the 1976 Paris blind tasting where an American wine was selected by Frenchmen over a first- growth Bordeaux. Mon Dieu!
To cowboy oenophile Spud Dumplin: May you always ride under cloudless skies, may your wine bottles be full and corkless, and may your domestic animals always be well groomed and obedient. Spud, my friend, I am mailing you a copy of Arsenius the Hermit’s famous book: “If Only Sheep Could Cook.”